Sweetening the Pot

My mama always told me that you catch more flies with honey than you do with vinegar. This was her kind way of reminding me that positive words and actions get better results in the end. Whether with my sisters or angry mobs, I have found this advice to hold true. In this spirit of honey, Faith Aloud would like to ask you to sweeten your generous financial donations with words of hope and inspiration. Your sweet sentences, wise words, and passionate prose will help us “catch” the attention of the masses.

Please write your “bits of honey” on a note and enclose it with your donation envelope. Or, e-mail them to outreach@faithaloud.org. Not sure what to write? Try writing a sentence about how access to safe and legal abortion has had a positive effect on your life, or tell us a story about how Faith Aloud's work has helped you and your family. Write a prayer, a poem, or simply tell us why you are donating. Let's forget the negative language, the battle cries, and the war analogies and instead let's focus on the ways faithful choices makes the world a better and more just place for everyone to live.

Just think: while an amazing donor is doubling the impact of each dollar you send to Faith Aloud, we will also be adding your “bits of honey” to the pots of gold. We will use your words to spread the moral and ethical voice of reproductive justice to all the busy bees of the world.

This summer, let's get loud and still whisper sweetly. Let's shout with our dollars and sweeten the pot with our letters. Send your donations and words in today and together let's change the sound of reproductive justice.

By Autumn Elizabeth, former Faith Aloud employee

Money Talks

We hear that in Pennsylvania, in America, there is an abortion clinic so dangerous that the investigative team had to don Hazmat suits to tour it for evidence. “Really?” we think. We live in “the First World.” This is absurd. We ask, “Are the charges trumped up? They must be. That doesn’t happen here.”

And then we read on and learn that many of the charges are probably true. We learn that this doctor had been suspected of such practices for a long time. He was not a member of a professional organization for abortion providers and instead operated on the fringes where desperation and medicine meet. The majority of the patients who had come to this clinic to receive his substandard care were uninsured and many were undocumented immigrants…women for whom the language of “choice” might as well be a cruel joke.

Now we realize that we know how it happened. We see ourselves. This is our story.

Because this is not really a story about abortion. This is a story about what happens when as a nation we fail to honor the tenets of the Hippocratic oath in favor of a profit-driven system. This story should not just shame the negligent provider but should cause us all to reflect on our culpability in a national crisis.

Collectively we tolerate a shockingly large number of uninsured Americans. We allow a health care system in which all sorts of abuses flourish in the shadow of poverty. Beyond the 44 million uninsured, there are countless more who are underinsured. Those who are insured must often fight tooth and nail with their insurance companies in order to get their care covered. “Preexisting conditions,” the very conditions that most need monitoring, may not be covered at all. Insurance companies may discriminate against women. They may arbitrarily cover certain types of contraception and not others, charge extremely high prices for “pregnancy riders,” and refuse to cover abortion. And then when Congress needs a bargaining chip to pass health care legislation, they will attempt to outlaw nearly all insurance coverage for abortion.

Economic justice is an essential element of reproductive freedom. At Faith Aloud we work for “Reproductive Justice” because we recognize that there are so many injustices to right before we can make truly free choices. May the events in Pennsylvania remind us of our obligations and may we find ourselves energized for equalities of all kinds.

The Bully Pulpit

During the month of September, five teenagers between the ages of 13 and 19 took their own lives because they decided death was easier to bear than life. Raymond Chase, 19, Tyler Clementi, 18, Billy Lucas, 15, Seth Walsh and Asher Brown, both 13, all took control of their lives and determined the effort and agony were no longer worth it. What causes a human, during the infancy of his or her life, to jump from a bridge, hang himself or herself from a tree, or look down the barrel of a gun and pull the trigger?

The sad reality is that bullying is an age-old tactic used by people, organizations, and governments to destroy lives. It is one of the most effective methods in dehumanization available to the evil-hearted. While there are myriad cases of bullying that include physical and/or sexual abuse, the vast majority of incidences occur without any physical contact.

For the record, bullying, in any form, is abuse! And in many regards, the non-physical form is more damaging. The colloquial adage “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is a bold lie!! In the Judeo-Christian tradition, speech has great power. Words are how the Universe came to be. For Christians specifically, it was the Word that became flesh. When bullying occurs in the form of words, it inflicts a wound that cannot receive the usual care associated with injury. If I incur a physical injury, I can partake in the common ritual of cleansing the wound, applying some sort of balm, and applying a dressing. This dressing serves as a protection, to decrease the likelihood of re-injury. It serves as a way for me to receive some attention in my distress. As others see my bandage, they inquire, they offer care. My wound is validated.

When bullying takes a verbal form, the target is left with no tangible or visible way to care for this wound. This is the type of bullying that comes from pulpits. When clergy stand and proclaim in the name of God that only one sexual orientation is holy, or more explicitly, say that one is possessed with a demon if they profess to be lesbian, gay bisexual or transgender, this is bullying. We, as clergy, are using our power to oppress, confuse, and abuse those for whom we have been charged with caring. When we stand and tell women to return to abusive homes, we are further crushing their God-likeness. When religious zealots stand in front of abortion clinics and yell epithets to women entering, in the name of God, the wounds inflicted are real and damaging. But these wounds don’t have the luxury of cleansing. They don’t get a band-aid to signal to others there has been a trauma and to be cautious. There is no manufactured balm that can be applied to kill off the remaining bacteria and initiate the healing process. How do these victims heal?

Bullying happens on the playground, at our jobs, on the sidewalks of abortion clinics, in our homes between spouses or parents and children, and unfortunately all too often, in our places of worship. It is only a matter of time before individuals like Raymond, Tyler, Billy, Seth, and Asher have to find a way to release the pain and express the torment. Not only can sticks and stones break our bones, but words can harm us in far more spiritual and practical ways. As people of faith, we must use our words in holy ways and speak ALOUD to stop this travesty.

-The Rev. Kimberly Banks-Brown, Minister of Advocacy for Faith Aloud

Standing with the Shamed and the Judged

Guest Blog by Rev. Krista Taves, Board President

Many people are unaware that a minister’s scope of responsibility is not just the congregation she or he serves. We also are called to work outside of the four walls of our buildings and be a presence in the community. When I came to Emerson Unitarian Universalist Chapel (www.emersonuuchapel.org) as its minister five years ago, I gave myself about 1½ years to scope out the St. Louis justice scene, to see where I would spend the outward focused part of my ministry to this congregation.

When the Unitarian Universalist seat opened up on the Board of Trustees for the Missouri Religious Coalition for Reproductive Justice, I knew I had received my answer. MO RCRC had been a presence in Missouri for almost 30 years when I joined. It’s focus was three-fold – advocating for reproductive justice in Missouri, providing training for clergy and other helping professions in the delivery of spiritual care to those facing unplanned pregnancies, and offering that spiritual care free of charge to women and their families.

Within two years I was asked to accept the role of President of the board, and I happily accepted. Since that time, much has changed. MO RCRC disaffiliated from its parent organization, the Missouri Religious Coalition for Reproductive Choice and went independent as Faith Aloud (www.faithaloud.org). Our goal was to become a national organization. Since that time, we have reorganized again, and now are two organizations: Faith Aloud Missouri Project, which continues the advocacy work at Jefferson City; and, Faith Aloud, a national organization offering direct outreach to abortion clinics in the United States and Canada, and focusing primarily on direct spiritual care to women and their families. I am now the President of the Board of this national organization.

One aspect of this work has become most meaningful to me. I completed the training offered by Faith Aloud to be a clergy counselor. Approximately twice a month I am referred to women who have called Faith Aloud asking for help. Sometimes these women are facing an unplanned pregnancy and are struggling with the spiritual issues of the choice they are being asked to make. Sometimes the woman has either had an abortion or given a child up for adoption and is struggling spiritually with the choice she made. We offer non-judgmental compassionate spiritual care to these women, regardless of religion and belief. Our prime concern is that they make the choice that is right for them. We are not pro-abortion, we are pro-choice.

I am continuously moved, and often angered, by how much damage has been done to women by orthodox Christianity. At least 25% of women who have abortions are evangelical Christian. When they make the choice to end a pregnancy, many believe they are condemning themselves to God’s judgment and that they deserve to be separated from the love of God forever. They feel that the moral response to their abortion is to judge themselves and to feel shame for what they have done. They keep their abortion a secret from friends and family, which increases the shame. When they call Faith Aloud they are desperate for some kind of absolution and have a hard time believing that we will not judge them. I have spent hours listening to and praying with women who don’t believe they deserve forgiveness, who can scarcely comprehend that they don’t even need forgiving because there is nothing wrong with the choice they made. When they looked at the reality of their lives, when they listened to the truth in their hearts and made their decision, THAT was the voice of God speaking, not some selfish evil desire.

While I find these calls spiritually exhausting, they also tell me that I’m exactly where I need to be, and my commitment to continue this work grows stronger. Even when my term as president of Faith Aloud comes to an end, I will continue to be a Faith Aloud Clergy Counselor and do everything I can to change the national discourse about abortion. I have become convinced that secular arguments will never do that. In fact, they are failing because they do not speak to the heart, the soul, and the spirit. Abortion rights are being successfully chipped away in every state, usually on religious grounds. The only way to change what is happening is to change the way people think about abortion and reproductive justice in spiritual and religious terms.

This is why liberal religion is so important. This is why liberal churches, regardless of denomination or faith, are so important and why religious liberals and progressives are compelled to evangelize. We don’t save souls; they’re already saved. We save lives. We believe that the holy speaks through the ordinary and the mundane. We trust in humanity. When our liberal churches become inwardly focused we are denying a this-worldly liberation and salvation to those who desperately need our message that the promise of wholeness and unending grace is offered to everyone.

We save lives by taking back the religious language, by taking back the Scriptures, by taking back and reframing what it means to be religious and moral. Too many women and men are paying the price for religions that cycle through shame and punishment. I offer time and talent and treasure to Faith Aloud because I believe it is the voice we need, the voice that will reclaim the religious landscape for women and their families and this country.

Faith Aloud begins its national launch this weekend and we want as many people as possible to know about its ministry. I would encourage you to forward this message to as many people as you know. Go to www.faithaloud.org and have a look for yourself at its mission. Watch the many videos we have produced that are watched by thousands of women who come to us in crisis. If you know of a woman who struggles with a reproductive choice, tell her we are there for her and she can call our 1-800 line. And if you are so moved, become a supporter of Faith Aloud and know that you are doing your part to save lives and spirits.

May the spirit move us and may we allow ourselves to be moved.

Formation of Gender Identity in the Church

by Rev. Rebecca Turner

Growing up in a small Missouri town Southern Baptist church in the 1960s, I recall very little being said about sex, sexuality, and gender. We didn't have sex education of any kind in my church. But I do remember that every pastor was a man. Every deacon was a man. Every greeter, usher, and offering collector was a man. Every person who read the scripture in church, who directed the choir, who was in any way participating in worship leadership was a man.

As a little girl I knew without being told that men made all of the decisions for the church -- all I had to do was look around. Men were the ones granted the religious authority to interpret the scriptures and make moral decisions. Women could cook, clean, play the piano, sing, and teach children in Sunday School. But once children reached the 5th grade, classes were divided by gender -- men taught the boys and men; women taught girls and women. Women made up at least two-thirds of the people sitting in the pews. They were the ones being "preached at" but they clearly were not the ones in charge.

And then there was Mother's Day-the biggest church day of all. Oh, you thought it would be Easter or Christmas? No, nothing could rival Mother's Day. The church was overflowing. It was the one day of the year that women were successful in dragging all of their children to church and lining them all up in a pew. Why? Because the pastor was handing out flowers -- awards to the mothers who had achieved something remarkable. Oldest mother -- usually around 100. Youngest mother -- usually around 14. Mother with the most children -- usually around 14. Yes, these were the women we were to emulate. The only way for a woman to get positive recognition in church was to give birth -- early and often.

When I was a freshman in college, my pastor asked me what I intended to do with my life. I said I wanted to go to seminary and become a missionary. (Missionary was the only acceptable career choice for a Southern Baptist girl who wanted to be in the ministry.) My pastor looked at me solemnly and said "You know, if you learned to play the piano, you could make a good pastor's wife." I knew enough to be insulted. I walked out, never to set foot in that church again until my mother's funeral.

My experience is not unique to Missouri or small towns or Baptists or yesteryear. Sadly, it is a common experience in many religious groups, and the implicit lesson is loud and clear: Men are qualified to deal with important religious and moral issues; women are not. Men have wisdom to impart; women are to be the helpers of the men. Even if no words are ever spoken that demean women (and that's highly unlikely), the lesson will still be imbedded in every child's brain. For little girls the damage is serious: they are not given experience in making important decisions and may even come to believe that they are incapable of critical decision-making. How often have we heard the stereotype of the indecisive woman? No doubt it was formed from the experiences that limited their freedom to make choices.

When a girl's options are restricted, when her chances to see strong women as role models are few, when she isn't allowed to make important decisions, when her reluctance to be a wife and mother are chastised, when she has no opportunity to debate with the boys, when her ideas about God are ignored, how will she grow into her own knowledge and confidence? Some girls have the ego to overcome these influences. Some encounter great role models in later years. Some get years of therapy.

Many others don't.

First published at www.ontheissuesmagazine.com August 13, 2010